Fears of the old and the new.


Well, actually to a publisher. I have worked up the nerve to attempt novel submissions once more. It's difficult to let them loose because they never seem quite finished. There's always an adjustment here, a tweak there, a scene that can be added or deleted.
Once in a while I think 'Okay, it's as near finished as it's likely to get' and send them out. This time I started with 'Jessica's Trap', the short one at 60,000 words. 'Samuel's Girl' is also finished but it might not be a good fit for the publisher I sent Jessica to. Samuel is much more in the horror genre whereas Jessica is more historical/paranormal. Even the demons aren't scary in Jessica's tale. They most definitely are scary in Samuel's.
Well, I'll have to wait and see what they think of Jessica first. If they accept, I'll offer them Samuel because it would be good to have them all with one publisher. That would give some consistency with cover art and make promoting them much easier.
First things first. I have to get an acceptance for one of them before I can worry about the rest.

For the cover of the Horror Zine's latest compilation of verbal and pictorial scariness, it gives me enormous delight to report that this likeness of the Reverend Chyme Duodenum, the priest who sentenced me to marriage until her death do us part, will be the first thing you will see.
The artist, one Dan Harding, has evidently visited the village here because his artwork draws on several local characters. He seems to have picked some of the less bizarre inhabitants but that's not surprising. Some of the others are pretty ugly. Nobody would want their pictures on their wall. It's a pity he didn't call in at Dume Towers but then if he had, those artworks might not be available so widely. Should he ever appear here I promise not to invite him in to be dinner.
Reverend Duodenum will be ecstatic when he finds his picture is in other places too. It appears here, just below the portrait of my mother-in-law, as well as here. The latter author seems also to have visited the swamp since he has written a documentary on its plant life.
Which reminds me. As the official chronicler of the Professor's escapades, it is time I geared up to sending those books out again. They'll never get published if I don't tell anyone about them and two of them have been ready to send for over a year.
The excitement of being in real print once again has galvanised me. So much so that there is now a shortage of zinc in the swamp.
So, suitably rustproofed, I will look out my list of potential publishers and agents and send some queries over the weekend.
Look out for the Reverend Duodenum's picture on Amazon in a few weeks time. He is going to make the purchase of that book an obligation on both his congregation.
I don't think he realises that it's not a prayer book.
Although it might turn a few people towards religion.
It's been some time since I had a story published. Mostly due to a combination of being busy and being lazy. However, thanks to the insistence of a certain author who is also the editor of The Horror Zine, I was galvanised into action, finished the editing on a story I've had waiting to be sorted out and sent for some time, and it was to the editor's liking. Well, I could never resist red hair. It's so like flame.
So The Colony Man is online and soon to be in print. Be warned, there is a photo on that page so make sure you are wearing eye protection in case of spontaneous monitor explosion. You will be relieved to hear it is the only one on the internet so you won't find one accidentally. There is also a link to Alienskin which you are obliged to click on because if you don't, well, the next time Death visits I might just mention that you aren't very well.
It's been a good day in many ways. Senga is in a good mood, little Caligula only tried to kill me twice and I finally found a party worth voting for in the next election.
All I need now is a visitor for dinner and it will be, at last, the perfect day. Those canvassers should start arriving soon.
There is an intensely frustrating aspect to running a contest. Nobody told me about this.
See, now that I'm reading entries on toy horrors, I'm inspired to write one - but I can't allow myself to! I've just realised that I'm one of a very select group, one of around ten people on the entire planet who aren't allowed to enter this competition. So I have to keep quiet.
What if someone sends in a story based on the same idea? What if I mention my ideas here and someone thinks 'Damn, I was going to do that'? I have to keep my mouth closed, and have installed a handy zip for the purpose. (Before anyone says 'Damn, I was going to do that', it's already been done by Clive Barker in 'Cabal', later made into the movie 'Nightbreed'. Button-head had a zipper mouth. So I haven't cheated you, and if you can use a zipper-mouth doll, go ahead anyway).
So I have turned to other things for now. For instance, a new psycho killer in space story called 'Claiming Number Eight', some more tales of the Blackthorn family, a revamp of a few oldies for Anthology Builder, and of course the search continues for an agent for the novel side of things. I'm keeping busy but thoughts still stray back to...no, must close the zip.
I admit I was disappointed to find this has nothing to do with necromancy. Ah well.
It's something politicians do: give unfair favourable treatment to family and friends. Something that I might be accused of should any of those writers who know me (but who never visit, strangely enough) enter the current Alienskin competition.
So, if you are a Virtual Friend of Dume, I ask that you use another name for your entry. If it should win, you can let us know when you're told of this and we can put your real name on the story. For judging purposes though, if you know me, hide the fact. Shouldn't be too hard. Most who know me are loathe to admit it anyway.
For everyone - keep them coming and be sure to read the guidelines first. You can only enter once, so if you screw up, all you can look forward to is the hoot of derision echoing across the swamp from Dume Towers. There are a few good ones here already but keep sending - it's good practice even if you don't win.
Remember, you've nothing to lose. There's no entry fee and those that don't win aren't published, so you can still sell the first rights.
I keep your soul though.
...are seldom parted. Yet there is to be an exception to this immutable rule, after all these years. My ancestors' skulls have all turned their faces to the wall in disgust.
Alienskin are running a competition. I will judge this, with my usual tender care. Fear not, I have warmed up the tenderiser. Take a look and enter if you dare. The prize is high. Cash, free clothing and publication, all in one. Winner takes all.
I'm only going to mention one rule here. Read the damn guidelines. If you don't follow the guidelines, not only are you certain not to win but I will personally sneer at you. I'll print the story just so I can tear it up and burn it. You have been warned.
In the new issue (out now - I forgot to mention that!) there are more Hall of Shame failures. It's bad enough being in there but responding to rejection with 'You can't reject me. I'm better than you' is just stupid. Yet there's one in that list who did. You know who you are. You are not barred from entering this competition but be aware that you've already biased me against you. So it had better be good, and it had better fit the guidelines with millimetre precision.
The rules don't say 'no poetry' but take it from me, poetry won't win. Alienskin's overall guidelines apply and one of those is...no poetry. Unless you can write an entire horror story in the style of Dr. Seuss. I'd really like to see that. Don't take that as a challenge unless you can do it really, really well.
I've scanned this issue's stories in case there were any toy stories already up. I saw none, but I haven't yet read all the stories so I might be wrong. If there are, well, you can't re-use them. No second-hand stories.
Read the guidelines, and read the article for hints. Then write. Then rewrite. Check and double-check spelling and grammar. Then send, and cross any crossable bits you might be blessed with.
Good luck, and remember - a Dume doesn't part with money easily. It needs to scare me more than the thought of parting with money.
Now that's scary.
The trouble with anthologies, as a reader, is that they usually contain roughly 50% of stories I like and 50% of stories I'm not interested in.
As a writer, the troubles with anthologies are manifold. One, they're difficult to get into. There's only so much space and most of it is already occupied by invited authors. Slots are few. Competition is fierce.
Two, do you promote it? You're only one author within the collection. Any promotion you do benefits the others, but how do you know if they're reciprocating?
Three, they're usually one-off small payments because it's a pain for the editor to keep divvying up royalty cheques into small amounts. So you're paid, that's that, there's no reason to push the book. Chalk up one publishing credit and move on.
The electronic age contains a solution to all these problems. A pick-and-mix anthology. Choose your stories, order the book and wait for the postman. One bound book with the short story collection you chose. Huge thanks are due to David de Beer for telling me about this. So, as payback, I'll mention he has a story coming up in the June/July Alienskin magazine.
For the reader, this is great. You choose every story so there are no duds in there.
For the writer, it's even better. Instead of fighting for space in a single anthology, your story sits in a list. Readers can choose to include it. Okay, maybe nobody ever will but it costs nothing to leave it there. You have an incentive to promote the story (which is what I'm doing right now in case you hadn't guessed) because you're only promoting your own work. The more anthologies it gets included in, the better your name gets known.
Since it's a royalty-payment system, your earnings also depend on inclusion in anthologies. Don't expect to get rich by this route. The money is small but the kudos is large. Your story--indeed, stories--could be in many anthologies chosen by many people. Getting your name recognised is a Good Thing if you want to stand a chance in the bigger pond, where the novels fight it out on shelves.
I've saved the best bit until last. The stories don't have to be first publications. In fact, Anthology Builder prefers stories that have been previously published in a paying market. This is a place for stories that have been published, after the first rights have expired and the story is yours again. Note - be sure the rights have reverted to you first or you'll be in trouble.
Good news for paying markets, too. The story is listed on the site along with the market it was published in and the year of publication. Publicity is always good.
So how do you get your stories in? First, read the guidelines. Then read them again because I know you only skimmed them first time. Make sure your format is right and your story fits in one of the categories they're looking for. There are lots of categories. Second, sign up. The price tag attached to this is my favourite one. Free. Finally, submit and wait for a decision. That's all there is to it.
Oh, and while you're there, buy yourself an anthology. Be sure to include 'The Hand that Feeds', which first appeared in AlienSkin in 2003. It's there under my pen name, Kevin Hillman.
I intend to submit more. Eventually, enough to fill an anthology on my own.
Today I actually left Dume Swamp for the first time ever.
The occasion was indeed a great one, as it must be for me to leave these comfortable environs. I was so overcome with euphoria I even managed to ride the weekly bus without throwing up.
Someone invited me somewhere!
To be precise, I visited a place of fantasy, a place where cruel people live. It was a delight to discover that there are such places. It gives me hope for the world.
The place I visited is here: http://toasted-scimitar.blogspot.com/
I left a few words to prove I was there, and dashed off home before I had to actually meet anyone. It was wonderful to be invited away, but it's good to be home.
Although Stumpy has made something of a mess while I was away. Next time I'll lock him in a dungeon for the duration.
The new Alienskin mag is online, and I have a little article within its pages on the merriment that can be drawn from tales of terror. Many, many excellent stories as always, but none by me.
All my short stories turn into novels these days. Where is the Dume brevity, the bone-snap of flash fiction, the quick neck-twist of the short story?
I have inspiration, and I've stopped taking the tablets for it so all is not lost. On YouTube I found the old Beatles song 'I am the Walrus', and its unusual lyrics made sense to me. In a short story sort of way.
'The Walrus' is gestating. I'm going to let it simmer overnight and see what floats to the surface.
The new issue of AlienSkin magazine is now available and free to read.
You don't want to miss this one. The fantasy article is about death, the science fiction article is about horror, and my own contribution has a smattering (should that be a spattering?) of gore also.
Best hurry on over there. You only have two months to read it all.