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September 15, 2008

The waking up rule.

It is considered a cardinal sin to start a story with the main character waking up. Whether in bed, or in a cell, or tied upside down in the centre of a cannibal village, the message is always the same. Don't start with the character waking up.

I watched the third episode of 'Resident Evil' last night, subtitled 'Apocalypse'. The first in the series started with the main character, Alice, waking up in the shower. The second, with her waking up on a hospital bed and the third, with her once more waking up in the shower. That third one was confusing at the start but it became clear soon enough.

It worked. In each case, it worked. In the first and third, Alice had no idea where she was or who she was. In the second, she knew who she was and had a pretty good idea of where. Each film started with her waking up. One major rule broken, and it worked.

This was a film, not a book. In the film it works because we can see the scene at a glance. In a book, you need lots of words to describe it. Imagine writing that opening for a book. The main character has woken up, has no idea where or who she is and has to find everything from scratch. Every detail of the room is new to her. Every little detail would go through her head while this character--who you can't even name because she doesn't know it--feels her way around this strange place.

Imagine trying to get that opening scene past an editor. It would be dull to the point of pain. Filled with description, no action, just an amnesiac probing a strange place. Well, strange to her but not to the reader. Most readers have bathrooms these days. Some even have them indoors, despite the hygeine risk. They'll recognise it straight away but you'd need to keep to the character's POV so you're stuck with all that tedious detail.

In a film, it works. In a book, it wouldn't.

Remember, when you send the book out to an agent or editor, it's not the only one they'll see that day. They might read yours first. Maybe fifth. Maybe fiftieth. Well, to be accurate, it's more likely an assistant will read most of the manuscripts and tag them 'no' or 'maybe' before they reach the agent or editor. Only the 'maybe' ones will get through.

Agents and editors do this day in and day out. If they pick up a manuscript that starts with someone getting out of bed, brushing their teeth, having breakfast... how far do you think they'll get? Remember, there are a lot of other manuscripts in the pile and at least some of them open with a bang.

You need to get the attention of a jaded, tired and possibly bored assistant in that first paragraph. Preferably in the first line but certainly in the first half-page. Waking up isn't a good place to start if you want to do that because waking up involves far too much description, no matter where you place it.

Action first. Sleep later.

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May 18, 2008

Book thoughts.

There is much muttering about self-publishing on agent's blogs at the moment. Not surprisingly, agents think it's a bad idea.

So do I.

If you write a book with a small, very specific market then self-publishing can work. You know it's only going to sell about a hundred copies or less. You know a mainstream publisher won't be interested in that and neither will an agent. So put it on Lulu, print it and sell it.

That works very well for academic books which have a very limited market and which are usually insanely priced anyway. A Lulu-produced book would be cheap in that market.

It's not going to work for novels unless you know how to edit, market and promote a novel. I know none of these things.

The route I have chosen is the agent route. So far, no luck. If luck continues to elude me, then I'd go for publishers who accept unagented submissions. Then, with one published book, I'd try the second through the agent route again.

It's not ideal. I don't know if a contract is good or bad. I don't know if I'm signing away too much. Even so, a book published that way counts as a publishing credit. A self published book does not.

I'd rather not send Samuel's Girl out by that route because it's the first of a series. I could sacrifice Jessica's Trap, Vincent's Will or Nobby the Goblin to be my first market-break-in without screwing up the series. Maybe it would be a good idea to get one of them into shape and send it direct to publishers.

Nobby's story might be best to start with. It has no sequel. It's the only fantasy of the bunch, a fantasy without magic and with a genuinely indestructible bad guy. A chosen one who's dead before he even knows he's chosen. It has enough anti-cliche's to stand up, I think.

So I'll consider getting that one finished and sent out. I can do that while Samuel's Girl continues to rack up rejections.

No self-publishing though. Not for me.

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May 03, 2008

Please help this man become a capitalist.

Writing is a business, and a writer is a self-employed business owner.

It doesn't sound quite so romantic put like that, does it? No floppy hats and Paris cafes, no sitting in the sunshine looking cool and sipping latte (whatever that might be). No, it's work or you don't get paid.

Okay, when you've made a few million you can buy yourself a floppy hat and sit in a Paris cafe sipping at latte (is it alcoholic, I wonder?) but you'd better have a notebook and pencil handy.

You can argue that writing is an art form, not a capitalist venture, and that writers must be Free to Explore New Things. Writers should have nothing to do with evil capitalists and their sharp suits and neat ties and fancy cars and wads of money. That's a great attitude. Stick with it. I can use a little less competition here.

Seriously, writing is an art form. Making up a story convincing enough to transport someone into your world is an art and a skill. The writing skill can be learned, the imagination can't. Yet if you want to stay a writer, if you want it to be your one and only life choice, then you need to earn money by doing it. Otherwise you starve and die, and nobody wants to do that. It's unpleasant. Besides, you won't be able to write any more.

Back to business then. Once the imagination is done, the writing skills honed, the story crafted and completed, revised a few times so it all makes sense and fits together properly, then you have to get it published. There are basically two ways to do this.

The hard way is to self-publish. If you don't want to get involved with the capitalist pigs at all, then you can get Lulu or someone to print it for you, and then you can be publisher, marketer, and salesman. You can be all those capitalists you despise. If you can find the time.

The easy, or perhaps the less hard way, is to find a publisher who will do all that for you. It does mean swallowing your pride and touching filthy money from evil capitalists, but hey, you have to make sacrifices, right? I will willingly make such a Sacrifice for the sake of Art. In fact, I'll accept as much money as anyone is willing to throw at me, just to save other Artists from contamination. Aren't I generous? No need to thank me, cheques will do.

Yet not all publishers are great guys. Most are, but a few are out to stiff you. If they ask for money, run away. That's a good general rule for life. I find I get most of my exercise by that route.

Remember the business part. You have a product for sale. A product you've probably taken years to craft into shape. Let's say it's not a book, let's call it a chair. You've made a wonderful, ornate, carved chair. Someone comes to you and says 'It is indeed a very fine chair. I will put it in my living room as long as you pay me to do it'. 'Why yes,' you say, 'That would be great'.

What? Did something strike you as odd there?

That's what vanity publishers do with your work. They print it but you pay them to do it. It's exactly the same as if you built furniture and paid people to put it in their homes. if you run a business that way, how long do you think it will last?

You have the product for sale. A particular arrangement of words in a specific order. You're selling, not buying! You are the business at the start of the chain. Well, if you don't count the guy who makes the paper...

Your business sells product to the publishers. Through an agent, if you can find one. The publisher sells to bookstores, bookstores sell to the public. That's the direction the product goes. Money flows the other way. That's how business works. Any other method will fail.

Ah, I hear you say, but what about investing in your own business?

Haven't you done that? Haven't you invested in a computer, paper, printer, and masses of your own time and anguish? You've done your investing. It's time to look for a return.

Now, back to the product. A book. A specific arrangement of words. That's what you sell, so if anyone changes the words to make it better, they must be due for a cut of the profits, right?

I don't think I'd be allowed to use the word I was going to use so I'll just say 'no'.

If you invent a time machine and someone sprays one pink, does that mean they get a cut of your royalties because the pink ones sell faster? If you said yes, would you think the same if the painter was already paid for the job of spraying, and all he had to do was pick a colour? Still thinking yes? Well, try this.

The company that sells the time machines for you employs the painter. His salary is already entirely dependent on sales of the time machine because if they fail, the whole company goes down. His idea to spray them pink improves sales, the company makes more money (so do you) and the painter gets a raise and becomes head sprayer. Now. Should he also get a cut of your royalties? Does he, or the company, have the right to claim all or partial copyright on the machine?

(The word I can't use goes in here again).

The publisher employs an editor. The editor makes changes or suggests changes for you. The changed book sells. The publisher makes more money. You make more money. The editor gets a raise.

All good, right? Well, not so good if the publisher has declared that the changes belong to them, not you, and if they fold, or if they ditch you, you can't sell the book elsewhere with those changes in place.

None of the big publishers would do this. It's bad business. If they decide to ditch you, it's because your books don't sell so the changes they made are irrelevant to them. If they did this, it would get around and writers would seek out places that didn't do it.

A few small presses are doing it.

The writing part is art. Selling the writing is business. No business will work with a business partner who makes unreasonable demands. No writer should either. Your business isn't responsible for keeping other businesses going.

There are rules writers must follow. You want to be shopping a book that fits with publisher's guidelines. You need to know who to send it to, and who won't look at it. You have to be able to spell, and there are other onerous duties.

There are rules going the other way too. Writers tend to think the publishers rule all, that they have total control. If there was only one publisher, that would be true. There are many publishers and they are competing with each other. True, they are competing for sales, for market share - but what are they competing with? Books.

Where do they get the books they sell? Writers!

If they want the brightest and best, they need to be fair to their writers. If the next Clive Barker sent a book in to Publisher X, and Publisher X shafted them royally, would the neo-Clive send his next book there? No, he'd send the next twenty blockbusters to Publisher Y who treats authors fairly. All the big publishers recognise this, and that's why they're all big successful publishers. New small presses sometimes miss this detail and don't last long as a result. Just as a furniture shop that shafts carpenters will find it increasingly difficult to get new inventory, a publisher who shafts authors will find the submission rate declining or the quality of authors falling off.

In order to keep writing, you have to stay alive. In order to live, you need cash. In order to get cash, you have to sell your work. You don't have to sell to just anyone. You can pick and choose. Better yet, get an agent to do that part. They know about publishers and about contracts.

Don't be scared of capitalism. It's the only way to get rich. If you dream of lounging around making up stories all day long, then you need to have all your bills paid.

I'd love to be a capitalist. If anyone can help with that, let me know and I'll tell you where to send the money.

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March 25, 2008

Me rite bok. Yew reed.

Samuel's Girl is once more fit to send out so agents beware - Dume is on the prowl!

The query letter didn't work too well last time so that needs a revamp too. Formality is essential in a query. It's a business letter, as Nathan Bransford points out. I haven't sent a query to his office yet but he's on the list. The only reasons he's not high up the list are 1) he doesn't specifically say he's interested in this kind of book, although he doesn't specifically say he's not and 2) if possible, I'd like to sign with a UK agent so I can send Stumpy round to discuss money over tea and knives.

Another thing that's essential in a query letter is the use of English. Correct grammar, correct spelling and not so much as a comma out of place. If it's a struggle to read the query, who's going to attempt the manuscript?

The query is the showcase for the novel. It's the first example of your writing an agent or publisher sees. Screw it up and they stop there. So does your chance of publication.

Now I'd better go and do something about it.

 

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March 23, 2008

Testing the boundaries.

Once in a while I review my limits as far as writing goes.

I'd love to be able to write romance and erotica because those sell well. Good romance writers earn an awful lot of cash, but even middling ones can make a living. Those books have a huge and devoted reader base. Unfortunately I know little of romance and couldn't write a sex scene without making it sound contrived and silly. Romance and erotica are outside my limits.

Science fiction? I can do it, but being a scientist I get bogged down in details. It's hard to write a science fiction story without turning it into a report. Once in a while I'll get it right, but mostly I don't. Science fiction is inside my limits but not comfortably. I know science well. Perhaps too well.

Thriller and mystery are genres I don't understand at all. Surely every story must be thrilling in some degree, and must have an element of mystery? If you know how it's going to end there's no reason to read it. I won't be producing one of these because I don't know what the classification means. Therefore, thriller and mystery are outside my limits.

So is crime. Agatha Christie has that angle covered, in my view. I can't top Hercule Poirot or Miss Marple. I'm still considering a few serial-killer ideas which will definitely not include another 'Jack the Ripper' expose. I wish people would stop trying to guess who he is because he won't leave my attic until they do. Crime is a 'maybe' if I can get a serial-killer story to work. It's outside the limit at the moment but only just.

At the moment my limits encompass paranormal and horror, with a little SF thrown in for a bit of a change. Within horror, I prefer the gore to be a little less obvious and more implied. Psychological horror is my favourite but I haven't quite shed the influence of Clive Barker. So once in a while, death comes a-knocking with knives and imagination. I try to keep the serious gore offstage because I don't want to be limited to an '18' rating on the books I write.

Main characters are usually male. That's not only because I'm a chauvinist, it's also because I don't write female characters well. I have no idea what happens inside women's heads and believe me, I've looked. Any female POV characters are guesswork and if I made a female principal character, sooner or later the guesswork would show through. I don't agree that 'men cannot write female characters'. I do agree that I'm not good at it.

I think it's a good idea to review my limits once in a while. It keeps me on track and stops me drifting into places I might not be able to cope with. It also lets me test those limits.

There might be a hole in the boundary somewhere. It's always worth looking.

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March 12, 2008

Something is complete!

I finished a short story!

This hasn't happened for years. Since I moved into the dark and uncertain waters of novel writing, every time I try to write a short it just gets longer...and longer...and longer. Eventually it goes in the drawer marked 'No. Leave it alone for now.'

Well, should I ever be successful at novel writing I won't be short of ideas. If I don't make it, I won't be short of kindling.

This short is done. It's not bad, if I say so myself, and I do. Just around 2000 words. I'll give it one more pass to weed out blunders and then see if it can find a home. It's somewhere between SF and horror so that might not be easy, but I'll try anyway.

If I can remember how to submit. It's been a while.

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February 27, 2008

More revision. Does it never end?

It has occurred to me that I might get further with selling this novel if I didn't write crap. It's an embryonic idea at this stage but I think it might have some merit.

Starting Samuel's Girl with a retirement party in a library was maybe not the best choice I have ever made. So I have decided not to. Samuel does get far more interesting as the story progresses. Indeed I think, with typical writer's immodesty, that he becomes very interesting indeed after he dies, but he's a librarian at the start. Could I have picked a duller profession? There's always real-estate agent, but I have one of those saving the world in another book. No more of that - there's a lot of revision to do before that one sees the darkness of the slush pile.

So I changed it to start with another, more dynamic character. I have three POV characters so I have one more left to try. Fury and unreasonable demands seem like a better opening than a retiring librarian. I junked the whole retirement party and cut that part to the important bit - the handing over of The Key.

I think I felt obliged to start with Samuel because his name's in the title. He doesn't need to be in chapter 1 though. His girl isn't. Perhaps having no sign of Samuel or his girl in the first chapter will pique someone's interest. Perhaps not. I can but try, and try and try again until one of these agents gives in just to shut me up.

Well, the latest changes only affect the first few chapters so it won't be long before I start pestering agents again. If you're an agent (I doubt any ever pass this way but you never know) you can breathe freely for about a month. Then I'll be back.

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November 13, 2007

The eternal Middle Ages.

I finally pinned down what makes me so uncomfortable in most fantasy tales. It's the passage of time--lots of it--with no progress.

A common element in fantasy is the Great Hero with his magic sword. Nothing wrong in that - but the backstory is the killer. It usually goes along the lines of 'Ten thousand years ago, a Mighty King rode his horse, led an army armed with swords, bow, spears and axes into battle and had the shit royally kicked out of him. Now his vengeful descendant (or the Bad Guy reborn, more often) wants to take over the world and make everyone suffer'.

Okay. I'm fine so far.

BUT if ten thousand years have passed, why is the hero STILL riding a horse, STILL fighting with a sword, STILL wearing leather armour?

Why doesn't he have an enchanted tank, or a blessed F-15? At the very least, a magical Uzi.

There is no gunpowder. No guns. No cannons. Not so much as a trebuchet. No internal combustion engine. Not even a steam engine. Few wheels, if it comes to that.

Now, this is a world that's been at war for most of its long existence. You'd think at least one of the people in it might try to improve their chances of winning. Wars accelerate development of things like jet engines, rockets, radar: anything that would give an edge over the enemy.

In fantasy? Nothing. The entire world is populated by unthinking, uninventive dolts. The bad guy deserves to win. He's the only one who's made any effort. He's the one with the war machines.

You can have magic, raising the dead, mysterious gods, all of that, but please, please let your world invent things. Instead of a flaming torch, just once let's see your elf pull out a flashlight. Maybe just a folding pocket knife? A pair of pliers? Scissors?

Anything to prove the world you've created isn't utterly stagnant.

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October 25, 2007

Low on pickles.

pickles.jpg

 

Damn, it's hard to write a good query letter. Harder than writing the stories! I think (hope) I'm improving, and each one is better than the last, but only time will tell. I expect the first few were binned on receipt, looking back on them.

All this is making me comfort-eat and I'm running very low on pickles. The only ones left are the blue ones. They're not my favourites. Can't be helped - writing requires pickles and blue ones are all I have.

I need to save one or two though. Stumpy wants an eye-pod. I've no idea what it is, but I already have half of it. All I need is a suitable pod and a way of fixing them together.

It'll take my mind off query letters for a while.

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October 20, 2007

Book sale blues.

Literary agents are proving very hard to catch. I have set traps all over the swamp, but to no avail.

I'm told you just have to write to them, but that seems far too easy to be true. I'm trying it, just in case, but I'll keep those traps baited too.

There's always the possibility of sending the book directly to publishers. That feels like a bad idea. I think I'd better exhaust my list of agents before I try that. Imagine getting a request for a partial from an agent, and having to say 'I have a contract for that, actually. It arrived today. Do you want to agent it?'

That's going to get any agent's back up. It would annoy the hell out of me.

I have another book - Jessica's Trap - that no agent will be interested in because it's only 70,000 words. There's also Victor's Will, the gorefest zombie tale, but that's stuck. I wrote myself into a corner where everyone's too doomed to realistically escape. Norman's House is in second draft but it's the follow-up to Samuel's Girl. I have to resist the temptation to start Mirror-man, The Tube, Fibre, Demdike's Revival, The Armageddon Show and others. Not to mention 'Frank Herbert', the collected musings of Dume. The Alien Queen Mother suggested a graphic novel for that. I quite like the idea of having my name on a picture book. I will need someone who can draw though.

My friend Professor Crowe was right. I should have started this whole thing with a plan. Now I have one book done, one follow-up half-done, another book done but too short. I can't, at this stage, shop anything but Samuel's Girl.

Yet it would be so much easier if I had one book sold. That would certainly increase my chances with the agents. However, I don't want to drop Samuel's Girl into a non-agent deal.

My best option is to add another subplot to Jessica's Trap, increase it by 10,000 words and try selling that direct to a publisher. The writing part won't take more than a month or two, assuming Time lets me have a bit of spare room. Time hasn't been too generous in that respect lately.

I have to prepare for Halloween. All that decoration, the trees to be draped with entrails, the guests to be dipped in preservative, the incantations...

It takes time. I'll have to trust Stumpy to arrange the party details this year. He hasn't done it before. I'll just have to hope he doesn't make a complete mess of it.

If he does, I suppose I can always write about it.

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August 31, 2007

Watching the Dogs.

I've just watched 'Reservoir Dogs' again. It's been a long, long time since I last saw it.

That film should be compulsory watching for every horror writer. The tension, the twist, the wonderful casual psychopathy of Mr. Blonde, the snide self-interest of Mr. Pink, the...

No, I won't say any more. Watch the film. No monsters. No demons. No wild special effects. An ending to die for. It's an old film so it's a cheap DVD at the moment.

Horror writers, watch and learn.

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August 27, 2007

Attack of the vampire slug.

Looking for that new, fresh idea? Battling writer's block to come up with something that hasn't been done?

Read the newspapers.

This one should set you thinking.

We have these all over Dume Swamp, but they might be new to some of you. I think they are the reason Stumpy always wears that foil helmet. Perhaps I should let him sleep inside once in a while.

Perhaps not.

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June 17, 2007

It's not just witches that float.

What floated to the top was, unfortunately, what usually floats to the top.

I'm also concerned about the litigation thing. I've based stories on Captain Beefheart's (peas beat up on him) songs before, but this walrus one is an obvious Beatles connection. Lawyers do rather well out of that particular song collection. Parting with money causes physical pain and other terrible medical conditions, as every Scotsman knows.

I saw the 'eggmen' as the product of artificial insemination, or in vitro, controlled clones. The first line of the song referred to this. The walrus was the one who broke away, along with the 'naughty girl' who attempted to reproduce by the traditional method. The song is full of police references, hence a police state run by a government who wants control over every aspect of everyone's life. Rather like the one we have now but with some logic added.

Anyway, best leave that one. I'll go back to the 'Court of the Crimson King' story I've been considering.

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May 03, 2007

More synopsis blues.

I have to write not one, but two, synopses. The word is even more intimidating in the plural.

There's Samuel's Girl, for which I have a rambling synopsis that, in its current state, might well send an editor to sleep before the end. The book wouldn't (I hope) but that synopsis might. I keep trying.

The one-liner for that book is this:

Samuel Watson accidentally releases a demon, and the only one who can stop it is a self-centred professor who doesn’t believe in the supernatural.

Not too bad, I think, although it could do with some trimming. The actual synopsis needs a visit from the editing chainsaw.

The other synopsis is for a co-authored science-fiction novel, something of a departure from my normal style. It does have some horror elements, but my co-author keeps me under control most of the time. That one's harder since the book has three interleaved stories. They all meet at the end, but still, it's a nightmare to summarise.

I suppose I'd better get on with it. These stories won't summarise themselves.

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April 26, 2007

Synopsis blues.

I have to write a synopsis. I hate that. I hate it so much I’ve been procrastinating about it for weeks. It refuses to write itself, so I decided to turn the procrastination to some use.

I typed ‘How to write a synopsis’ into Yahoo and pressed go. This was, admittedly, after I’d typed ‘How to remove a brain with the eyes still attached’ and other interesting subjects. Yahoo is a wonderful tool for the procrastinator.

There are a lot of sites offering advice. There are several legitimate ways to write a synopsis. Which do you choose?

All of them.

Looking at agent’s websites, they don’t all want the same thing on initial approach. They vary. A lot. From a query letter with a 100-word summary (eek!) through a one-page synopsis to a chapter-by chapter breakdown. Some with the first 50 pages, some with chapters, some with no pages.

One thing’s for sure. Nobody wants the whole damn thing straight away. Nobody legitimate, anyway. There are no short cuts.

I have to write this thing. I know I do. I don’t want to, but I’ve written and revised the book and now I have to sell it. This is the only way.

If I can only convince myself of that.

Anyway, to save you all the trouble of procrastinating for yourselves, here are some of the useful places I found:

Fictionwriters

Brenda Coulter (this is a good one - it contains vital clues for the clueless).

Paul Saevig

There are many, many more. You can read about how to write a synopsis forever, while your manuscript turns yellow at the edges. If you leave it long enough, someone else will have the same idea, wite it and publish it first.

Keep that last thought in mind. It's the one that finally stopped me procrastinating.

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February 16, 2007

Twisted thinking.

I've thought up a fantasy-ish story.

Now don't panic, it won't have magic or all-powerful fiendish magicians. There won't be any magic at all. There will be a goblin. And an elf. They're on the same side. No Orcs. No Dwarves. No magic swords - just the plain steel ones. Arrows will not always hit their targets. Doors will not open with a word.

There will be a Quest, but I'm not going to tell the main characters what it is until it's too late for them to back out of it.

There will be a Chosen One, but I'm going to kill him in Chapter 1, along with the only other character who knows he's the Chosen One.

The 'bad guy' will be truly unkillable, as all bad guys claim to be in fantasy. I'm not having my bad guy beaten by something as simple as a melted ring. Oh, no. This one isn't going to die. In fact, those behind the quest don't want him killed. Nor do they want to use him as a weapon. The 'Alien' films have that angle covered.

I won't say what they want him for, nor how he came to be, until close to the end. He has no fortress, no army, no weapons. He's the unkillable bad guy. He needs none of that stuff. Furthermore, he has no interest in world domination. He will, of course, do horrible, horrible things.

There will, of course, be a hero. He's the goblin, and he's in it for the money. There'll be none of this 'sacrifice of the self for the greater good' nonsense. He'll subcontract that part to a sucker.

I intend to make it difficult to decide, at the end, who was the real bad guy in the story. The reader can choose which side to root for.

It'll be interesting to see who chooses which side.

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January 18, 2007

Don't mess with the muse.

muse.jpg

 I think it's plain to see that my muse isn't exactly a 'people person'. However, he does come up with the occasional good idea. He comes up with bad ones too, and I write them anyway, because he can get a bit stroppy if I don't.

This is a good one though. It concerns a recent discussion I had with a friend of mine on the nature of alternative realities. I was going to talk about it here, but I think I'll save it for an article.

That's what the muse suggests, and I've found it easier to agree than disagree. He can sulk to Olympic standards! 

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