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May 30, 2008

The importance of reading guidelines.

When I was fresh from the chrysalis, I heard the tale of an elderly uncle, Dorian Dume.

He had come across a magical recipe. Using this, he could arrange for a portrait of himself to age while he stayed the same forever. Overexcited, he rushed the spell without reading the guidelines properly.

He messed it up and performed the spell the wrong way round. The picture stayed the same and he grew older. Many, it seems, have made this same mistake, judging by the plethora of portraits in galleries nowadays.

Let that be a cautionary tale to all. Guidelines are important.

If Uncle Dorian had read them properly, he wouldn't be dead now.

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May 26, 2008

The Professor and crazed logic.

I haven't laughed so hard since the last time.

The Professor put up a post on UFO's to explain why he doesn't study them and within hours, the loonies descended upon him.

He's trying to use logic on them and it's not working. That last comment is so far out he's never going to be able to find an answer. He's speechless, and that's a rare occurrence!

He doesn't see that many of these people are attracted to fringe science simply because it's fringe. They don't want it brought into the mainstream. They don't want scientists to pick apart their pet subjects. They want it left as 'fringe' so they can keep it to themselves.

Romulus keeps trying to put a serious face on the paranormal but he's beating his head on a wall. Which reminds me - I haven't beat Stumpy's head against a wall for a while. Maybe later.

He's between a rock and a hard place. On one side are the mainstream scientists who won't even look at his subject. On the other are the lunatics (you just have to believe, man) who don't want him taking their toys away.

I once worried that he might succeed in proving the afterlife. My worries were unfounded. Mainstream science will never accept any evidence because the lunatic fringe will always pop up to destroy his credibility. No matter how careful he is, no matter how precise his experiments, the nuts will pop out of the woodwork to mess it up every time.

I'll have to tell this story to Death on his next visit. He'll be laughing until Judgement Day.

 

Anyway, back to that article. Only a few days left. I've decided on a Frankenstein approach because I haven't touched on that in a long time, and because Stumpy opened an overstuffed storage cupboard and gave me the idea.

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May 18, 2008

Book thoughts.

There is much muttering about self-publishing on agent's blogs at the moment. Not surprisingly, agents think it's a bad idea.

So do I.

If you write a book with a small, very specific market then self-publishing can work. You know it's only going to sell about a hundred copies or less. You know a mainstream publisher won't be interested in that and neither will an agent. So put it on Lulu, print it and sell it.

That works very well for academic books which have a very limited market and which are usually insanely priced anyway. A Lulu-produced book would be cheap in that market.

It's not going to work for novels unless you know how to edit, market and promote a novel. I know none of these things.

The route I have chosen is the agent route. So far, no luck. If luck continues to elude me, then I'd go for publishers who accept unagented submissions. Then, with one published book, I'd try the second through the agent route again.

It's not ideal. I don't know if a contract is good or bad. I don't know if I'm signing away too much. Even so, a book published that way counts as a publishing credit. A self published book does not.

I'd rather not send Samuel's Girl out by that route because it's the first of a series. I could sacrifice Jessica's Trap, Vincent's Will or Nobby the Goblin to be my first market-break-in without screwing up the series. Maybe it would be a good idea to get one of them into shape and send it direct to publishers.

Nobby's story might be best to start with. It has no sequel. It's the only fantasy of the bunch, a fantasy without magic and with a genuinely indestructible bad guy. A chosen one who's dead before he even knows he's chosen. It has enough anti-cliche's to stand up, I think.

So I'll consider getting that one finished and sent out. I can do that while Samuel's Girl continues to rack up rejections.

No self-publishing though. Not for me.

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May 15, 2008

It's that time again.

The deadline for the next article approaches so I'm hunting around for something new. Stumpy is no use at all, he's embroiled in politics and has apparently found people to argue with. Keeps him out of my way, at least.

I don't like politicians. Too fatty. Although if you put them on a spit, they spin themselves. That's handy.

Anyway, here are the ideas I'm toying with.

Fortean Times has a story on spates of suicides, and mentions a song called 'Gloomy Sunday' which allegedly causes everyone who hears it to kill themselves. And it's not even sung by Des O'Connor! Perhaps it's just as well. That reminded me of 'The Funniest Joke in the World', a Monty Python sketch in which a joke writer laughs himself to death after writing the best joke ever. The joke is taken up by the military and used as a weapon.

New Scientist has an article on the power of persuasive technique, and details some of them. I could put that together with suicide spates, deadly songs and jokes and come up with the more subtle side of horror. The whispered voice, that insistent but subliminal nagging that drives someone insane. There are several plausible ways to make it contagious.

Years ago, a story of mine, 'Telephone Pest', published by From The Asylum (you have to navigate through 'monthly fiction', scroll down to 'fiction of 2003', and it's in the October list). used something similar. I look back on the writing now and cringe but hey, it was my first year! I didn't think it was my best story of the year but those who read it told me it scared them half to death. Nobody was even bruised in that story.

Psychological horror can be more unsettling than full-on gore. The 'someone's watching you' thoughts, along with a little persuasive method, can be incredibly effective. I think I wrote about this a long time ago, so maybe it's time to visit again.

Or I could talk about the new film 'Doomsday', since it's personal. It's set in Scotland, which has been sealed off to contain a virus. Now that the English are catching it, they want to use the Scots as the source of a cure. The cheek! As if I, for one, would tell anyone about a cure for something.

Then there's an idea I've been batting around about using local superstitions. That isn't new in itself. Stephen King's 'It', and the 'Blair Witch Project' are just two examples of such use. There might be a few new twists left in there, something that's not so local, something of more universal terror.

Maybe if I listened in on Stumpy's conversations I could find tales of terror in the world of politics. The only problem is that most people will say 'Politicians doing terrible things? That's not new.'

Hmm. More thought required. I'll fit another brain and see if that helps. It's no trouble, I've fitted myself with USB ports to save on surgery. Like the 'Plughead' films, but not so cheesey.

Well I have to choose, and choose soon. Otherwise it's going to be zombies again.

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May 03, 2008

Please help this man become a capitalist.

Writing is a business, and a writer is a self-employed business owner.

It doesn't sound quite so romantic put like that, does it? No floppy hats and Paris cafes, no sitting in the sunshine looking cool and sipping latte (whatever that might be). No, it's work or you don't get paid.

Okay, when you've made a few million you can buy yourself a floppy hat and sit in a Paris cafe sipping at latte (is it alcoholic, I wonder?) but you'd better have a notebook and pencil handy.

You can argue that writing is an art form, not a capitalist venture, and that writers must be Free to Explore New Things. Writers should have nothing to do with evil capitalists and their sharp suits and neat ties and fancy cars and wads of money. That's a great attitude. Stick with it. I can use a little less competition here.

Seriously, writing is an art form. Making up a story convincing enough to transport someone into your world is an art and a skill. The writing skill can be learned, the imagination can't. Yet if you want to stay a writer, if you want it to be your one and only life choice, then you need to earn money by doing it. Otherwise you starve and die, and nobody wants to do that. It's unpleasant. Besides, you won't be able to write any more.

Back to business then. Once the imagination is done, the writing skills honed, the story crafted and completed, revised a few times so it all makes sense and fits together properly, then you have to get it published. There are basically two ways to do this.

The hard way is to self-publish. If you don't want to get involved with the capitalist pigs at all, then you can get Lulu or someone to print it for you, and then you can be publisher, marketer, and salesman. You can be all those capitalists you despise. If you can find the time.

The easy, or perhaps the less hard way, is to find a publisher who will do all that for you. It does mean swallowing your pride and touching filthy money from evil capitalists, but hey, you have to make sacrifices, right? I will willingly make such a Sacrifice for the sake of Art. In fact, I'll accept as much money as anyone is willing to throw at me, just to save other Artists from contamination. Aren't I generous? No need to thank me, cheques will do.

Yet not all publishers are great guys. Most are, but a few are out to stiff you. If they ask for money, run away. That's a good general rule for life. I find I get most of my exercise by that route.

Remember the business part. You have a product for sale. A product you've probably taken years to craft into shape. Let's say it's not a book, let's call it a chair. You've made a wonderful, ornate, carved chair. Someone comes to you and says 'It is indeed a very fine chair. I will put it in my living room as long as you pay me to do it'. 'Why yes,' you say, 'That would be great'.

What? Did something strike you as odd there?

That's what vanity publishers do with your work. They print it but you pay them to do it. It's exactly the same as if you built furniture and paid people to put it in their homes. if you run a business that way, how long do you think it will last?

You have the product for sale. A particular arrangement of words in a specific order. You're selling, not buying! You are the business at the start of the chain. Well, if you don't count the guy who makes the paper...

Your business sells product to the publishers. Through an agent, if you can find one. The publisher sells to bookstores, bookstores sell to the public. That's the direction the product goes. Money flows the other way. That's how business works. Any other method will fail.

Ah, I hear you say, but what about investing in your own business?

Haven't you done that? Haven't you invested in a computer, paper, printer, and masses of your own time and anguish? You've done your investing. It's time to look for a return.

Now, back to the product. A book. A specific arrangement of words. That's what you sell, so if anyone changes the words to make it better, they must be due for a cut of the profits, right?

I don't think I'd be allowed to use the word I was going to use so I'll just say 'no'.

If you invent a time machine and someone sprays one pink, does that mean they get a cut of your royalties because the pink ones sell faster? If you said yes, would you think the same if the painter was already paid for the job of spraying, and all he had to do was pick a colour? Still thinking yes? Well, try this.

The company that sells the time machines for you employs the painter. His salary is already entirely dependent on sales of the time machine because if they fail, the whole company goes down. His idea to spray them pink improves sales, the company makes more money (so do you) and the painter gets a raise and becomes head sprayer. Now. Should he also get a cut of your royalties? Does he, or the company, have the right to claim all or partial copyright on the machine?

(The word I can't use goes in here again).

The publisher employs an editor. The editor makes changes or suggests changes for you. The changed book sells. The publisher makes more money. You make more money. The editor gets a raise.

All good, right? Well, not so good if the publisher has declared that the changes belong to them, not you, and if they fold, or if they ditch you, you can't sell the book elsewhere with those changes in place.

None of the big publishers would do this. It's bad business. If they decide to ditch you, it's because your books don't sell so the changes they made are irrelevant to them. If they did this, it would get around and writers would seek out places that didn't do it.

A few small presses are doing it.

The writing part is art. Selling the writing is business. No business will work with a business partner who makes unreasonable demands. No writer should either. Your business isn't responsible for keeping other businesses going.

There are rules writers must follow. You want to be shopping a book that fits with publisher's guidelines. You need to know who to send it to, and who won't look at it. You have to be able to spell, and there are other onerous duties.

There are rules going the other way too. Writers tend to think the publishers rule all, that they have total control. If there was only one publisher, that would be true. There are many publishers and they are competing with each other. True, they are competing for sales, for market share - but what are they competing with? Books.

Where do they get the books they sell? Writers!

If they want the brightest and best, they need to be fair to their writers. If the next Clive Barker sent a book in to Publisher X, and Publisher X shafted them royally, would the neo-Clive send his next book there? No, he'd send the next twenty blockbusters to Publisher Y who treats authors fairly. All the big publishers recognise this, and that's why they're all big successful publishers. New small presses sometimes miss this detail and don't last long as a result. Just as a furniture shop that shafts carpenters will find it increasingly difficult to get new inventory, a publisher who shafts authors will find the submission rate declining or the quality of authors falling off.

In order to keep writing, you have to stay alive. In order to live, you need cash. In order to get cash, you have to sell your work. You don't have to sell to just anyone. You can pick and choose. Better yet, get an agent to do that part. They know about publishers and about contracts.

Don't be scared of capitalism. It's the only way to get rich. If you dream of lounging around making up stories all day long, then you need to have all your bills paid.

I'd love to be a capitalist. If anyone can help with that, let me know and I'll tell you where to send the money.

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May 01, 2008

Toys for sick kids.

Just can't get my mind off toys. That's mainly because I'm getting a regular supply of toy stories from the competition entries. Some really good ones, too.

So I thought I'd take a look at the toy market. Stories about toys are limited only by what kind of toy you can dream up. I wondered what the real toymakers were dreaming up these days.

Well, they've been more imaginative than I could have guessed. I found it hard to believe just how far they had come since the early days of simple corn dolls. At last the sick children can have something interesting to play with.

Take a look. They even come with body bags.

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