Dr. Dume ~ The Doctor is In

Well, here it is again. I tracked Santa's approach using NORAD's satellites this time, but he had a decoy. Or perhaps the satellite took too long to send the data. Whatever it was, I missed him. He was in and out while I thought he was still in Southampton.

Senga was no help. She might be deaf but she's certainly not mute. I gave her some Trappist beer to keep her quiet. There's a reason those monks don't speak and it has nothing to do with vows.

Now she's become incoherent and amorous. It's not an attractive combination.

Posted by Dr. Dume at 12:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last year's resolutions were as follows:

1. Find an agent, or failing that, find a publisher for Samuel's Girl. Revise it as much as necessary to achieve this.

2. Lose some weight.

3. Spend less (my personal favourite).

Resolution 1: fail.  I have no agent or publisher as yet. It's Stumpy's fault because he's cleared off to become some kind of rabid political commentator and left me to do all the work, plus training a replacement.

Resolution 2: Success! I have lost weight, again it's Stumpy's fault because of all the running around I've had to do. I could stand to lose a little more though.

Resolution 3: Success! 

Two out of three. Not bad.

I am going to keep all these the same for this year. I still have to complete #1, while #2 and #3  are worth continuing.

Besides, it saves me the bother of thinking up new ones.

Posted by Dr. Dume at 05:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It is time for another round of agent queries. I have two books ready, although Jessica's Trap is only 70,000 words so that's a non-starter for a first submission. Maybe I'll find a way to add 10,000 or so words without it looking like filler, or maybe it'll end up as an Ebook or novella. Maybe it'll just sit here till the end of time.

Samuel's Girl weighs in at a healthier 90,000 words and I can't mess around with it any more. I'm sure I must have weeded out every typo and every grammatical error by now. I must at last accept the terrible truth - It Is Finished!

I've been wondering when would be the best time of year to approach an agent and I have concluded that there isn't one. There are bad times - such as now - when every agent is thinking about the holiday and might not give their full attention to another pile of paper that lands on their desks. Weekends are bad, as are most holiday periods, because so many writers have day jobs. They'll tend to submit when they have time so there must be peaks during holidays and on Mondays. There are bad times. There is no 'best' time.

I have until the current festivities end to draft a new covering letter. The first week of the New Year should catch the agents in a better than usual mood, and most will be sober. 

In the meantime, I need to set those traps in time for Wednesday night. I nearly caught him last year.

Posted by Dr. Dume at 05:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've borrowed the picture from my good friend Professor Crowe. He doesn't like this one because the bird flew across the image, so he didn't charge me for it. We don't see much of the moon here in Dume Swamp but tonight calls for a trip to the tall tower - the one that sometimes clears the fog.

Tonight, the goddess Selene will be powerful indeed and the lunatics will be 14% more looney than usual, because tonight the moon is full and at its closest, at the same time. A rare event and worth seeing.

I think I might have to put the chains on Senga. She's showing signs of twitchiness already.

I wonder what it'll do to the Ferals? Better keep the crossbow handy.

Posted by Dr. Dume at 11:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

About this time of year, I like to take a stroll and visit the gnomes. They don't like the cold but then they don't like anyone or anything very much. At least the cold slows them down and makes them safer to visit. Bob here is furious, and he's going to be even more furious if he finds out I've put this picture online.

 Don't tell him.

Posted by Dr. Dume at 12:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The new issue of AlienSkin is online. Quick, go and read it. You only have until the end of January and the next few weeks are going to be busy.

New articles are up and there's a special treat. I knew the remnants of NocturnalOoze were still down there somewhere, perhaps drifting along in the sewers, poking out once in a while in the dead of night when the bathroom's unoccupied. Or, as I found to my embarrassment, sometimes when it is occupied. What a way to find out you were right about something!

The Gore Monger is back this issue. That purveyor of the deadliest of the Ooze has returned for a guest spot. So, go over there and take a little look, if you dare. Don't turn the light on. The Ooze detonates on exposure to light. And, considering where he's been - no smoking. I'd advise a scented handkerchief, or perhaps breathing apparatus if you plan to take your time there.

If you survive, there's also Sergeant Shelsky's UFO article and Lady Blade on using your senses. Oh, and my own article that isn't.

Plenty of stories, too, and since they're now all super-short, there can be no excuses.

There's also no excuse to hide from submitting your work. Come now. It's not that many words. All you have to do is get them in the right order.

Go on, have a peek. It'll give you ideas. And maybe, a dream or two.

Oh, and keep the toilet lid closed at night. There's a reason they have those lids.

Posted by Dr. Dume at 08:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)